Nurgle's Laugh

Smurf Wars!

by Kenneth Peters

 

Overview

"The little blue bastards came out of nowhere. It was like hell itself had opened up and released a horde of blue demons in white pants. They overran Fort Peyo within a few hours and were assaulting the outskirts of the capital hive before many knew what was even happening. Emperor save us from the Smurfs."   - Imperial Guard Colonel Slrig Ecips

 

"Smash the smurfing Imperium scum! Leave no smurfy stone unturned!"   - Attributed to SmurfForce Commander Death Smurf


History

"It was the best of smurfs, it was the worst of smurfs..""Our past is a long and unsmurfy one. Listen to out tale of smurfy woe…"   - Historian Smurf

The Smurfs are actually a native race from Terra. In an age long past they lived at peace with nature in the forests of Northern America and parts of Europe. They are an incredibly powerful psychic race, as well as masters of genetic engineering and mechanics.

The Smurfs lived at peace for centuries until the humans discovered them. These humans believed them to be leprechauns and attempted to hunt the Smurfs for gold (which the Smurfs had none of). Countless Smurfs died in the ensuing Unsmurfy Wars. And what remained of a once happy, carefree race were bitter, vengeful monsters willing to risk death to strike back at the humans.

But they were too few in number and stature. So using their collective psychic powers moved their entire race into the warp to find a new home. The humans thought it was the last they would see of the smurfs.

They were wrong……


The Smurf Wars

"Do you want to smurf forever?"    - StrikeSmurf Commander

The Smurfs gathered their strength for long millennia. Wearing their hate like a cloak in a harsh universe. They made plans, constructed machines of destruction. And waited for the time to strike.

Today they live in the Smurf Commune. A massive communistic society that rules over all the Smurfs and directs them to their eventual goal of the destruction of all mankind and anyone who has dealings with them (i.e. everyone).

The Smurfs of today bear little resemblance to the Smurfs of long past. For one, extensive genetic engineering has made the Smurf of the 41st millenium a hulking brute. Standing at least 5 apples high.

They wear intricate exoskeleton powered suits constructed by the Handy Smurfs and developed by the Brainy Smurfs. As they sweep across the battlefield their trilling war cry "LA LA LALALA LAA" strikes fear into even the cold hearts of the Tyranids.


Smurf Forces

"Let loose the Smurfs of WAR!!!"    - Archsmurf Poppa

Smurf forces have three primary divisions. There are the War Smurfs who serve in the various Smurf Armed Forces (SAF), the Brainy Smurfs who usually fill strategic and planning positions, and the Handy Smurfs who fill the technician and engineer positions.

Adeptus Mechanismurfs

It is easy to see the Smurfs as a caste driven communistic society. And to an extent they are. But there is only a limited genetic diversity among the Smurfs caused by limited breeding opportunities (usually 1 female to 100 male Smurfs) and an inbuilt proclivity to certain tasks.


Smurf Infantry

Smurf infantry are generally organized into several "smurftroops" of similar types. Thus the Pyrosmurfs are in one group while the Psychosmurfs are in another.

All Smurf infantry are bloodthirsty combatants, and while locked in their powered exoskeletons are a powerful force to be reckoned with.

If you can't take the heat..Grunt Smurfs
These are the most common line troopers in the Smurf Commune. They are heavily armored and capable of taking on any force of equivalent size.
Model: Space Marine stand painted with white legs and blue torso/head.

Assault Smurfs
These are Smurfs armed with heavy weapons to support their fellow Smurf warriors while smurfing the life out their enemies.
Model: Space Marine stand painted orange with white legs.

Pyro Smurfs
These are Smurfs with something of a pyromania and thus assigned to special units where their skills can best be used.
Model: Space Marine stand painted red with white legs.

Psycho Smurfs
These are the Smurfs who have gone over the edge into complete smurfy bloodlust. Only regular doses of narcotic smurfberries keep them under enough control before they can be unleashed on the enemy. Although not armed with any ranged weapons they are famous for their incredible speed and ferocious hand to hand capabilities. To represent this Psycho Smurfs may move TRIPLE their normal movement allowance when on charge orders.
Model: Space Marine stand painted purple with white legs. "Gnurf! Gnurf!"

Stormsmurfs
These are the elite of the smurf military. They are equipped with weapons of incredible power and armor forged by the best Handy Smurfs in the Commune. They are truly an awesome foe. Their battlecry is "Stormsmurfs ATTAAAAACCCCCCKKKKK!!!!!"
Model: Space Marine stand painted all white.

Smurfinators
These are hardcore warriors who have given up their smurfyness to be in a robotic dreadnought.
Model: Space Marine painted black with white legs.


Smurf Special Troops

The Evil OverlordSmurf Overlord
Usually referred to as "Papa" for some obscure reason. These aged Smurfs have a variety of psychic powers as well as being natural leaders of Smurfs.

Smurf Overlords are command units and thus need never be given orders. They always move as if on charge and fire in the first fire segment. In additional all smurf units within 10 cm receive a +1 on their morale rolls.

Model: Space Smurf..umm.. Space Marine stand painted red with white legs.

Morale OffismurfSmurfettes
These are the rare female Smurfs. They serve very little combat purpose but there presence inspires the male smurfs to great acts of courage and ferocity. All Smurf stands that have LOS to a Smurfette stand pass all morale tests they may need to make and add +1 to all CAF rolls.
Model: Space Marine stand painted pink.

Handy Smurfs
Sometimes Handy Smurfs will take to the battlefield to help repair damaged Smurf organic war machines. Any Smurf vehicle within 10 cm of the handy smurf have an additional unmodified 5+ save. All Healer rules apply to the handy smurf.
Model: Space Marine Stand painted Brown with white legs.

Doc Smurf
These specialist Smurfs seek to heal all those Smurfs who have been injured. They work like Smurfs possessed to save their comrades on the battlefield. They follow the standard rules for Healers.
Model: Space Marine Stand painted all white with a red head.


Smurf Vehicles

"Go smurf yourself!"    - Smurf warcry

47th Mobilized Smurf Squadron Leadersmurf

Smurf Vengeance
Products of Smurf bioengineering and experimentation. These war machines look odd on the battlefield but are devastating. The vehicles smurflaser may fire in any direction as the beam is actually emitted from the vehicles hull. The Vengeance serves as the Smurfs' primary medium tank.
Model: A walnut, not too big. Preferably painted blue.

Smurf Deathsmurf
The Deathsmurf is the Smurfs' answer to the Imperials' abundance of artillery. It is a long ranged assault system designed to take out troops from long distances.
Model: A peanut with a small stick glued on.

Smurf Mercedes
The Mercedes is the smurfs primary APC.
Model: A peanut.

Smurf Skysweeper
This is a modified Mercedes mounting two rapid fire smurflasers for anti-aircraft use.
Model: A peanut with two small sticks.

Smurf Fighter
A smurf fighter is a vey small, nimble craft designed to clear the skies of enemy aircraft.
Model: US Marine PFC chevrons.

Smurf Fighter-Bomber
A slightly larger airframe then the fighter. This aircraft is equally at home in the air or smurfing the living crap out of enemy troops.   The fighter bomber can drop two bomb templates during a strafing run. The bomb templates must touch.
Model: US Marine Corporal chevrons.

SMURF ARMY LIST SUMMARY
Troop Type Move Saving
Throw
CAF Weapons Range Attack
Dice
Roll
To Hit
Save
Mod
Notes
Infantry
Grunt

10 cm

6+

+3

Smurfguns

50 cm

1

5+

0

 
Assault

10 cm

6+

+1

Smurfcannons

75 cm

1

5+

-2

 
Pyro

10 cm

6+

+2

Smurf-flamers

15 cm

1

3+

0

Ignores cover
Psycho

10 cm

6+

+4

Smurfswords Ignore Morale, Elite, Jump packs
Stormsmurf

10 cm

5+
fixed

+2

Smurfguns

50 cm

2

5+

-1

Ignore Morale, Elite
Smurfinators

15 cm

4+

+3

Smurflasers

75 cm

2

4+

-1

Ignore morale, Eite
 
Special Units
Overlord

10 cm

6+

+5

Smurfguns

50 cm

2

4+

-1

Command Unit, Elite, Psyker
Smurfette

10 cm

None

-1

None Command Unit
Handy

10 cm

6+

+1

Smurfpistols

25 cm

1

5+

0

Healer, Command Unit
Doc

10 cm

6+

+1

Smurfpistols

25 cm

1

5+

0

Healer, Command Unit
 
Vehicles
Vengeance

20 cm

3+

+2

Smurflaser

75 cm

1

4+

-2

Skimmer
Deathsmurf

15 cm

4+

+1

Smurfartillery

150 cm

6 BP

4+

-1

 
Mercedes

25 cm

4+

+1

Smurfguns

25 cm

2

6+

0

Carries 2 stands, skimmer
Skysweeper

25 cm

4+

+1

Smurf AA

100 cm

2

4+

-1

AA unit, skimmer
 
Flyers
Fighter

special

4+

+4

Smurfgatlings

50 cm

1

3+

0

Thruster
Fighter-Bomber

3+

+2

Smurfgatling
Smurfbombs

50 cm
Template

1
4 BP

3+
5+

0
0

Thruster
Bomb templates must touch

SmurfLord

The SmurfLord is a titanic machine of destruction. Its appearance on the battlefield is considered an ill omen for the Smurfs' enemies.

Move

CAF

Shields

Weapon
Locations

Notes

15 cm

+10

8 Void Shields

1

 
Weapon

Range

Attack
Dice

To Hit
Roll

Target’s
Save
Modifier

Notes
Smurfano Cannon

200 cm

6

4+

-3

Recharges D3 attack dice per turn.
360 degree arc

SmurfLord Hit Location Templates

ALL SIDES

Head
1+

Head
1+

Laser
1+

Laser
1+

Laser
1+

Laser
1+

Body
2+

Body
2+

Body
2+

Body
2+

Body
2+

Body
2+

Body
2+

Body
2+

Body
2+

Body
2+

Body
2+

Body
2+

SmurfLord Damage Table

Head

1-2 CAF halved and it may only move or fire if you first roll a 4+ on 1D6 until damage is repaired.

3 CAF halved for the rest of the game.

4 Same as 1-2, except cannot be repaired.

5-6 The Smurflord crashes to the ground as a result of the explosions. Decide randomly which way the Titan falls and place it on its side lying in that direction. Any vehicles or troop stands that are fallen on are destroyed.

Laser

1-2 Weapon damaged and cannot be used until repaired. Recharges as normal

3-4 Weapon damaged. Loses 2 attack dice of firepower.

5 Weapon heavily damaged as above plus may not fire until repaired.

Body

1-2 The void shield generators are shut down and the shields may not be used until repaired.

3-4 The Smurflord’s void shield generators are shut down and the shields may not be used any further in the game.

5 The shields are in danger of overloading and you must shut them down before they explode. Roll a D6. On 5-6 the shields are safely shut down. On 1-4 they explode as described below:

6 The Smurflord’s void shields overload and explode. The Titan is destroyed but remains standing. Any models within 5D6 cm are automatically hit by debris, and must make an unmodified save to avoid destruction.

* A damaged location or a downed shield is repaired by a 5+ on a D6.

Model: An apple.


Smurf Army Cards and Composition

Company Cards | Support Cards | Special Cards

Company Cards
Company Contents Break
Point
Morale Victory
Points
Cost
SmurfForce
Smurf Village
  • 3 det (6 Grunt stands, 3 Mercedes)
  • 1 Overlord stand, Mercedes

15

3

7

700

Smurf Assault Force
  • 2 det (6 Stormsmurfs)
  • 1 det (6 Assault Smurfs)

7

3

4

400

Smurf Psycho Force
  • 3 det (6 Assault stands, 3 Mercedes)
  • 1 Overlord stand, Mercedes

15

3

9

850

 
Support Cards
Name Contents Break
Point
Morale Victory
Points
Cost
Infantry
Grunt Smurftroop 6 Grunt smurf stands, 3 Mercedes

5

3

2

200

Assault Smurftroop 6 Assault smurf stands, 3 Mercedes

5

3

3

250

Pyro Smurftroop 6 Pyro smurf stands, 3 Mercedes

5

3

4

350

Psycho Smurftroop 6 Psycho smurf stands, 3 Mercedes

5

3

2

150

Smurfinator Troop 6 Smurfinator stands, 3 Mercedes

5

-

3

250

Stormsmurf Troop 6 Stormsmurf stands, 3 Mercedes

5

2

4

350

 
Vehicles
Vengeance 3 Vengeance Tanks

2

4

2

200

 
Heavy Artillery
Deathsmurf Battery 3 Deathsmurfs

2

4

2

200

 
Anti-Aircraft
Skysweeper Battery 3 Skysweeper AA guns

2

4

3

250

 
Flyers
Fighter Squadron 3 Fighters

2

3

3

250

Fighter-Bomber Squadron 3 Fighter-Bombers

2

3

4

350

 
Special Cards
Name Contents Break
Point
Morale Victory
Points
Cost
Special Units
Handy Smurf 1 Handy stand, 1 Mercedes

1

-

1

100

Doc Smurf 1 Doc stand, 1 Mercedes

1

-

1

100

Smurfette 1 Smurfette, 1 Mercedes

1

-

1

100

SmurfLord 1 Smurflord

1

-

9

900